All posts by mdt1964

About mdt1964

Alcohol Prevention, Intervention and Recovery Specialist at Eastern Illinois University.

Pictures are Worth a Thousand Words

Last week police pictures of Greg Hardy’s former girlfriend surfaced on the internet and suddenly there was outrage.  I wondered to myself why the outrage now? This story happened over a year ago with detailed information about what Hardy did to his former girlfriend.  Police reports indicate Hardy threw her into the bathroom wall, stuck her head in the toilet and threw her on a futon full of automatic weapons.  These are only some of the incidents in a list of others that led to her looking like she had just finished playing an NFL game. There was talk then about what Greg Hardy did and it was met with the usual disdain by women’s rights group, a statement from the NFL (including suspension) and various comments on sports talk shows.  Only when the pictures surface did the moral indignity by all has been blazoned across television and social media sites.  Again, why this much outrage now?

Hardy was suspended for 1 year from the NFL and then was signed by Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.  Jones, has backed his former player and went so far as to call him a leader.  He did this with the knowledge that he has a leader in Jason Witten.  For those of you who may not know Witten, he has been the Dallas Cowboys tight end for the past 12 years. What many people did not know about Witten until recently is he has devoted his off the field life to a foundation called the SCORE Foundation.  This foundation places positive male role models in domestic violence shelters “to demonstrate positive male behavior to the children living in these shelters in an effort to break the cycle of violence that plagues families affected by abuse.”  The main reason for starting this foundation; he experienced domestic violence first hand by his father.

I have been rather surprised by the amount of outrage since these pictures.  Many may find that comment strange.  I find the outrage now strange.  Why?  I will ask everyone this question, “What did everyone think they would see?” Greg Hardy is 6’4″ tall and weighs 278 pounds.  His former girlfriend is listed as 5’10” tall and 110 pounds. Rhonda Rousey would have her hands full with someone this size.  Oddly enough one of the best comment I have read regarding this issue comes from a very unsuspecting source, Ray Rice. You may remember Ray Rice as the NFL player that was suspended from football because of a domestic violence video surfacing where he is seen punching his wife.  Rice commented about the Hardy photos, “It really shouldn’t take photos or anything to understand the severity of domestic violence.”  Interesting words from someone who the whole word saw knock out, his then fiance, in a hotel elevator.  I am not making any commentary on Rice’s sincerity or character, what I do agree with are his words.

So now I have a question that goes right to the heart of this issue and here it is, “Why do we not believe the victims of domestic violence when they speak up?”  Do we really need pictures to be outraged? We have almost daily evidence when we read or watch the news where some victim of domestic violence is beaten or killed at the hands of their perpetrator.  As Rice quoted, “It happens every 8 seconds.”  I have spent the last 30 years in the counseling field and I have encountered hundreds of victims of domestic violence.  Many of them do not have a bruise or scratch on them at the time when I meet with them, but I can tell you one thing for sure, it doesn’t make it any less serious. Victims of domestic violence are at risk for injury or death.  Pictures may be worth a thousand words but there is only one word that is needed with domestic violence and that is the word HELP!


War on Recovery

If the providers treating cancer were offered 26 billion dollars with 55% of the budget going to ineffective treatment methods and policies that perpetuate the illness and the other 45% of the budget will be spent on one treatment outcome and not allowed to focus on any other outcomes, what do you think those providers would do?  Yet, this is the model we use to address the issue of drug prevention and treatment.  What’s worse yet, is addiction/recovery providers fight over this model.  It’s the lesser of two evils.  Get no money or get the money you can.  In the meantime, our prison population housing drug offenders is at an all time high.  Addicts are overdosing at an alarming rate and the people who need the treatment aren’t getting it because the many being referred to treatment by the judicial system do not need treatment. This would be humorous if it wasn’t so tragic.

27 years ago I went into treatment for addiction.  I spent 29 days in a hospital based program.  I lost my health insurance after I left the hospital so I was unable to afford the aftercare that was recommended when I left.  Instead I became immersed in AA meetings and the recovery community.  I was active and involved in many of the extra benefits that come with involvement such as coffee shop meetings, service work, cookouts, and sober parties and dances that I believe are an integral part of recovery.  I also believe this would not work for everyone who needs treatment for addiction.  Recovering people are individuals that have specific needs so one model isn’t sufficient.  I had to abstain from the beginning of my recovery so I fit the model.  Not everyone can begin with abstinence or needs abstinence.  Some need methadone, some need mental health treatment and medication, some need harm reduction.  Not all cancer patients need the same type of treatment why would a recovering individual?

We spend over $100 a day for incarceration of drug offenders.  It would cost us $7.46 a day to provide treatment to that same individual.  Let me state that when I use the term drug it includes alcohol.  Separating alcohol from drugs perpetuates too many myths that follows the criminalizing of addiction/recovery.  The myths are used in our terminology when describing addiction/recovery versus other illnesses.  Take cancer for example cancer, these are the most common words used; Brave, Courageous, Conqueror, Survivor, Victim, Warrior, Patient.  Now consider the terms used to describe the addict/recovering individual; Weak, Junkie, Addict, Liar, Manipulator, Loser, Scumbag.  Makes you want to run right to your local treatment provider!

We have approximately 8 million people who need treatment in the U.S. and about 2 million of them are receiving treatment.  Of those 37% come from the criminal justice system.  This year approximately 1.6 million people will be diagnosed with cancer.  Using the addiction statistics that would mean 400,000 people would receive treatment.  Medical Doctors are the standard for diagnosing cancer. In many areas of the country diagnosing an addict only takes a Bachelor’s degree with one year of addiction employment.  That statement is not meant to be offensive but to illustrate that the U.S. still relies on the criminal justice model instead of a national health model.

As recovering people we have to disengage from the criminal justice model of treatment and recovery and engage in the science of addiction and recovery.  We can’t yell out one side of out mouth that addiction is a disease and out of the other side keep telling people who relapse they aren’t willing.  If we are going to keep eliciting change for recovery we have to remove this idea of addiction being a willful behavior.  Until we do this we aren’t waging a war on drugs, we are waging a war on recovery!

Mike Tozer

Rule #62

While in recovery you may have heard someone say the phrase Rule 62.  I remember wondering what that meant when I first heard the phrase.  No one explained it so I looked it up.  In essence it was a response from Bill Wilson to another member in the 1940’s (before the adopting of traditions) who had made up 61 rules for a club he was starting for Alcoholics in AA.  After failing miserably with the club Bill sent a message to the man with this statement, “Rule 62, don’t take yourself too damned seriously.”

I have found this to be one  of the most valuable rules I have ever used in my recovery.  When I first became sober I thought that if I made a mistake I would drink.  My mind raced constantly, I was scared all the time and micromanaged every thought in my head.  I would read several different morning meditations hoping to find the “answer” until one day my sponsor told me to stop reading all but one of them.  He said, “you are too smart for you own good sometimes. Keep it simple and quit being so serious all the time.”

Since then I can’t say I have not experienced the racing thoughts or the fear of life, but I have learned to laugh at myself in spite of them. Laughter is one of the most freeing actions I have ever used in my recovery.  The laughter at myself is the most freeing laughter of all.

Sometimes when I am caught up in the day to day stress of life I find myself being critical of myself and others.  I will forget about the gratitude of all that has been afforded to me during my life as well as my recovery.  Sometimes others point it out while others I am aware of it myself.   Remembering that the things I am worrying about today are generally more of an illusion of fears I have about things I can’t control. When I finally stop and review myself then I have to laugh at myself and say, “Mike, lighten up and remember who is in charge.”

Does that mean I am not a responsible individual, no.  It means that my responsibilities don’t have to be arduous tasks that I treat too seriously as to forget my real purpose in life.  I am certain that the power that guides me wants me to be joyous, happy and free instead of power driven and self centered.

How do I do this you ask, well I follow these simple ideas:

1. I find 3 things to be grateful for daily that are not repeats of each other in the past month.

2. I help others who are seeking recovery

3. I talk to my kids daily

4. I laugh as often as possible

And last but not least, “I don’t take myself so damn seriously!”


Do you know Recovery?

Justice Potter when trying to define obscenity in a case before the Supreme Court said in essence,”I can’t explain or define it but I know it when I see it.”  I’ve often found recovery to be the same way.  The Recovery Research Institute listed definitions of recovery from various experts on addiction and recovery.  Some of these experts described it as a process while others used the words voluntary and sustained.

With the experts not agreeing on one specific definition how does someone understand recovery?  I have heard many recovering people who attend Alcoholics Anonymous say, “Be careful how you act you may be the only Big Book anyone sees.”  The implication in this statement relies on how recovering people behave and how their behavior is perceived by others.  Some of the Recovery Research definitions imply the same thing.  Phrases like, “citizenship” or “productive member of society” are among these definitions.  Again the implication how someone is behaving.

Cambridge Dictionary Online uses synonyms for recovery from illness as recuperate, correct, cure, rehabilitative, and remission.  Even on it defines recover as, “to get back or regain,” and “to make up for or make good (loss, damage, etc., to oneself). ” “to regain the strength, composure, balance, or the like, of (oneself).”  So my question is why do we try to define recovery by behavior?

First of all, it’s been the standard for the past 80 years.  People in AA started with abstinence as the standard because at the outset the members were mainly chronic alcoholics who would likely die if they didn’t quit altogether.  When treatment centers started to open they used the 12 step model which used abstinence as the measuring stick. For too long relapse has been looked at as failure.  People have immense shame for relapsing and sometimes do not return to recovery due to that shame.  It has only been in the last 20 years has the understanding of addiction’s impact on the brain have we been able to improve treatments for addiction.  

Secondly, many of use still believe addiction is willful.  If anyone questions this statement next time you hear people in recovery say to someone who can’t remain abstinent, “you have to be willing, you have to be honest with yourself,” then tell me even in recovery we don’t hold on to that ideal.  No one would say anything like this to someone with cancer who can’t rid themselves of cancer.  Yet, we hear that constantly today from recovering individuals and even professionals.  Ironically, we have one of the few illnesses where we can change behavior and recovery. That’s not willful, that’s fortunate.

So do I have the definition of recovery.  No.  I am not that bright.  What I believe is that recovery is a self-evident proposition-one that is known to be true by understanding its meaning without proof. In other words I know it when I see it!

The Angels are acting more like Devils

For those of you who may not know Josh Hamilton, he is a major league baseball player for the Los Angeles Angels.  He also has a well chronicled history of addiction.  When he was first discovered he was touted as the next Mickey Mantle.  He is a talented athlete with amazing physical skills.  Like many people with addiction who have employment issues, it almost cost him his baseball career.  It took him some time in treatment but he was eventually reinstated to major league baseball.

Josh recently had a relapse that he self admitted to Major League Baseball and The Angels. Major league baseball and the Angels wanted to suspend him for 81 games which is half the season.  An arbitrator was hired to hear his case.  Josh’s case hinged on what constituted a violation of the drug program. Under baseball’s Joint Drug Agreement, an admission of drug use or a refusal to take a test constitutes a positive result. The failure to comply with the drug-treatment program – which Josh has been in for nearly a decade following long battles with cocaine and alcohol – was not undone by Hamilton’s episode, the arbitrator ruled.

Here was MLB’s statement after the decision,  “The Office of the Commissioner disagrees with the decision, and will seek to address deficiencies in the manner in which drugs of abuse are addressed under the Program in the collective bargaining process.”  The Angels released the following statement, “The Angels have serious concerns about Josh’s conduct, health and behavior and we are disappointed that he has broken an important commitment which he made to himself, his family, his teammates and our fans. We are going to do everything possible to assure he receives proper help for himself and for the well-being of his family.”  That comment is obscene.  First of all, he did exactly what he was supposed to do and that is take responsibility for his actions and continue his recovery. Secondly, the Angels now have to pay him $23 million dollars in salary.  The Angels are not concerned about his or anyone’s well-being but their own.

One of his teammates took exception with the Angels comment and stood up for Josh.  C.J. Wilson stated, ” the statement was “kind of disheartening.” He clarified, saying, “The statement had multiple phases. I’m just going to focus on the last part of it, which was, ‘We are focused on Josh and his family.’ That’s the part that I agree with.” Now the angels owner, Arte Moreno, has now banned Josh from the locker room and they have removed all merchandise pertaining to him from the ball  park.   The owner is basically snubbing his nose at the arbitrators decision.

Does anyone believe if Josh had cancer that this would be happening?  The viewpoint that addiction is willful is alive and well.  Despite all the emerging evidence to the contrary, addiction, by most, is still believed to be behavioral in its origin.  Despite all of the brain research and biology linked to family, people believe it is still a matter of choice.   Until relapse by addicted people is understood as a symptom and not a willful choice there will be little progress in helping the addicted person.  The one person in this situation that seemed to get it was the arbitrator who appeared to understand one time use is part of the addiction and not a failure in recovery.

The other reality of addiction is how addiction has stolen the skills of Hamilton.  He also has been injured frequently in the past two-year and has not played well or at all.   Addiction and age has caught up with Hamilton.  He is now expendable.  At age 33, his skills are not what they were 10 years ago.  His addiction has accelerated this fact as well. Hamilton does not need baseball to stay clean and sober.  Baseball does not need Josh Hamilton either.  There are plenty of players to take his place.  Arte Moreno, the Angels owner, had a chance to earn his halo in this situation, instead he grew horns.



Let Rational Heads Prevail

By now many people have heard or read the article, “The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous.”  As a member who has remained sober for over 26 years my first reaction was how dare they trash something I love.  I also need to disclose I am a professional who has almost 30 years of experience working with addiction.  You can say I have mixed feelings when it comes to this article.  Given that, I remembered a quote in the book Alcoholics anonymous Appendix 2, The Spiritual Experience, which says,  “There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”  So despite my conflict I decided to read the article with an open mind.  After all isn’t that one of the tenets of the 12 step programs?

The article challenges the paradigm of treatment in the United States.  I don’t have any issue with that challenge.  We have acquired a vast amount of knowledge since the first book of alcoholics anonymous was written.  I also believe it is responsible to seek out new methods for the people with addiction who are not responding to the 12 step model.  I have been in too many meetings and after meeting, meeting, where the members question the commitment of others who relapse or continue to relapse. The article states there is a much lower success rate which suggests a higher rate of relapse for people in Alcoholics Anonymous. So , lets compare that with the relapse rate of another chronic illnesses, Type 1-Diabetes. This chronic illness has anywhere from 30-50 percent relapse rate. Even if one follows a strict regimen for treatment one cannot completely control their blood sugar.  Could you imagine someone questioning the willingness of someone who has a relapse in their blood sugar by saying, “well you just have to surrender to your blood sugar before you can get better?” If your doctor said something like that you would find a new doctor. In the 12 step programs we say that all the time.

One of my complaints I have always had with members of the 12 step program is their own lack of understanding of the illness.  In the article when they review the “experts” in the field of addiction and some of them only have a high school diploma. Alcoholics Anonymous says it should remain forever non professional, but treatment centers are not making that claim.  They base their treatment on the 12 step model as the preferred and most effective treatment.  Treatment centers should not be selling the 12 step program because it’s not theirs to sell. I believe one thing needs to be clear for members in Alcoholics Anonymous or any 12 step program: Just because you are an alcoholic and/or drug addict, that does not make you an expert on addiction!   If that hurts your feelings then maybe one of the four inventories it discusses in the 12 steps and 12 traditions is in order.

The reality is Alcoholics Anonymous has not professed itself to be the only answer to alcoholism.  Read some of these following statement from the Fourth edition of Alcoholics Anonymous:

  • “We do not like to profess anyone an alcoholic”
  • “If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!”
  • “By no means do we offer it as the last word on this subject, but so far as we are concerned, it has worked with us.”
  • “If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were”
  • “If you wish you can join us”
  • “If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him”

Hardly a force feeding of the Alcoholics Anonymous program.  As a matter of fact Alcoholics Anonymous, if anything, has been watered down by treatment centers. Commonly used phrases like, “don’t have a relationship for a year” or “fake it til you make it,” are no where to be found in the text of the Alcoholics Anonymous, but are said in meetings every day.  In many places AA meetings resemble group therapy more than they do AA meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous states, “we have no opinions on outside issues,” but it’s members do. Too often Alcoholics Anonymous is judged by the individual members.  They are not representative of Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole.  Even the preamble of Alcoholics Anonymous states it is a “fellowship,” not treatment.  It is not Alcoholics Anonymous who is professing it’s success, it’s the members who attribute their success to Alcoholics Anonymous.

One of the complaints the article had was the lack of ability to research Alcoholics Anonymous.  Bill Wilson did not write the text of Alcoholics Anonymous with metrics for research, he wrote it because he wanted to help alcoholics. It was identified that remaining abstinent from alcohol Let’s remember prior to Alcoholics Anonymous there was nothing for alcoholics to sustain recovery from alcoholism.   Alcoholics Anonymous found a way to help many people over the years.  It has helped me remain sober for some 26 years.  Do I believe that we need to continue to find methods to help those who experience addiction-most definitely.  We have only begun to scratch the surface.  I have heard so many times, “the only answer to alcoholism is in the first 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous.”  Anyone who makes that statement has not read the first 164 pages.  Bill Wilson never believed that and searched for answers over the years outside of the program he developed.  He never stopped trying to find out how to make recovery better for alcoholics.

Did Alcoholics Anonymous believe they had all the answers?  On page 163 of the text they say, “Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little.”  Alcoholics Anonymous is what it is, a support group for people who want help for their alcoholism.  It is the professionals job to educate court systems, employers and others as to what is available for recovery.  I’m sure “more will be revealed.”

The Face of Addiction

Many of you may have heard of Johnny Manziel, the Cleveland Browns quarterback who was their number one pick in the 2014 NFL draft.  Prior to being drafted, Manziel’s off the field issues with substance use and poor decision making were well chronicled prior to the draft.  Recently, Manziel checked himself into treatment for substance use.  At 22 years old you would think getting help for his substance use, being the number 1 draft pick, and a contract to play NFL football would be a bright future for Manziel.

Enter the world of the NFL.  There is another quarterback, Marcus Mariota, coming out of college that the Brown’s show interest.  The issue isn’t whether Mariota may be a better quarterback than Manziel, it’s what the Cleveland Brown organization said about Mariota that is of interest.  They stated, “”In light on what’s gone on with Manziel…there is a tremendous amount of fear for the future here and a very strong consideration of going and get somebody – especially Mariota, who they really like and they think would be a proper face for the franchise and a guy who is far more dependable than the guys that they’ve had there so far.”  Proper face of the franchise? That is basically saying that we do not want an alcoholic or drug addict’s face as our club’s poster boy. Something tells me that if Manziel had cancer or heart disease that phrase would not have been used. Why?

The why is easy to explain.  Addiction is still defined by the behavior and not the illness.  The symptoms of addiction are such, the wreckage to family, jobs, and friends leaves them feeling hurt, angry, resentful, and defeated.  Since we judge the behavior, we reinforce that addiction is willful.  The user meant to make those decisions that caused their current circumstance.  The addicted person hears phrases like, “why did you do that,” and “why don’t you just stop,” and my personal favorite, “you have so much potential.”   What if we said to a person who was diagnosed with cancer “why do you have cancer, can’t you just stop?” people would look at us like we were out of our mind.

You may say, Mike, you are comparing apples to oranges.  No.  I am comparing symptoms of two medical conditions.  Until the idea that the symptoms of addiction need to be treated like an illness and not willful behavior then our effectiveness in treating addiction will be limited.  Just because treatment may include behavioral change does not mean that addiction is behavior.  The type of behavior that is exhibited with many addicted individuals already has a diagnosis, Anti-Social Personality.  Experience tells us that when addiction is treated, the Anti Social behavior can be alleviated. I realize I am making some generalizations about Anti Social Personality and behavior, but if we rely on much of our experience, treating addiction brings about a change in a person not only in behavior, but in attitude, thought and spirituality.

The Cleveland Browns have a great opportunity to educate the rest of the NFL and our society.  Sadly, they are like many of us in today’s culture-they seem to be looking to either photo shop or replace his face.  Having been a recovering person for more than 26 years,if it’s all the same to you I will keep the face I have.

ADHD is Like a Dog with a Bone

By: Mike Tozer

Yesterday, I was thinking about how my ADHD is like my dog when she gets a bone. The moment she gets it she takes off like a bat out of hell. She will sit there and chew on it and will keep her eye out for anyone who is getting close to her. If anyone gets too close she will pick it up and take off. Eventually, though I always find the bone in the backyard abandoned.

Those abandoned bones are like a metaphor for so many ideas I have had my life. Be this, be that, do this, do that. At first I ferociously set on a course of action only to get half way done, sometimes not even that, usually returning back to what I was doing. It becomes so frustrating because the ideas are usually good ideas (not all of them of course) but many of them.  Over the years I have improved in following through. I finally started a business venture that I kept putting off. The challenge has been remaining consistent and focused. It ebbs and flows right now, but I like that I am still doing what I set out to do.

What I have found difficult is to remain focused as the new idea wears off and the actual work begins.  Usually, the distractions of my daily life begin to distract me from the task of following through.  I find myself losing the motivation because of the daily life tasks.  I find myself abandoning the bone in the backyard and then I feel bad about myself because I “failed” at another idea.

What I have found that when I get these ideas that I have learned my interest will falter because I have ADHD.  I can’t hold my interest consistently.  I have to pay attention to the times that motivate me and put forth my effort.  I also have to remind myself to be careful to beat myself with that toxic club I have.  Also, I have learned that I can do a little at a time as well until the interest returns.  It’s okay that I lose interest because paying attention to the daily tasks are important.  I just have to remind myself I will return to the idea and continue from there.

Eventually I am learning to go out in the back yard and find that bone and start to chew on it again.  I find the bone has a different look to it, something I did not notice when I had it the time before.  My interest returns and I am able to move forward again.

I have learned that my ADHD is not a curse, but it’s a gift.  I am glad that I do not have to compare myself to those who do not have it.  I am finding my own way and that is okay.  It’s like Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  I have felt like a fish out of water for most of my life.  I no longer have to judge myself this way anymore.  Besides that, I don ‘t know how to swim!